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The Art of Confidence: How to Reign Supreme in Self-Belief

Cover photo for The Art of Confidence: How to Reign Supreme in Self-Belief

Unleash your full potential and become the most confident person in the room.

A newborn starts speaking after 12–18 months on average. And after that, their vocabulary keeps growing because they keep talking and talking.

Their curiosity makes them explore the world and learn new things. But then, it comes a time when kids learn that words have consequences. And they start to shut up and think before speaking.

Saying what’s on your mind should be simple. It is simple. But if we think about the consequences, we start fearing saying things out loud.

The Fear that Ruins Our Lives

Meeting new people is fun. It should be fun if you don’t have problems interacting with them. But if you are afraid your stories won’t make them empathize or lack the confidence to believe your ideas are worth sharing, you will hate it.

I used to refuse to meet people because I didn’t know them and was afraid to speak with them. But after working on my confidence, I don’t struggle anymore because I don’t care.

The Power of Caring Less

I don’t need to be friends with someone who dislikes my humor and stories. I am confident I will find other people genuinely interested in my personality and story — people who enjoy their time around me. Everyone else can do whatever they want. They won’t change who I am.

My words could disorient you if you struggle to make friends and connections. But believe me, I wouldn’t understand myself if I were the same guy from four years ago. So, let’s see how you can change perspective.

Over the past two weeks, you learned how to become a storyteller and find your unique style. But you haven’t yet learned to become more confident and show your powerful traits.

So, in this issue, you will solve this problem. You will learn 4 ways to master the art of confidence and never fear attention anymore.

How to Become The King Of Confidence

I’ve already spoiled you with the key to mastering the art of confidence. But I will repeat myself because I want to be transparent.

Stop caring too much — that’s it.

When you care too much, you are exposed. You put yourself in a disadvantageous position. And people will perceive you as needy, condescending, and weak. So they will quickly lose interest in you, and you will hardly raise their interest again.

But if you keep your higher or neutral position, three things could happen:

  1. Negative Polarization. Some people won’t stand your behavior. And this could be for envy or negative affinity. However, they will notice you. So you can still make friends. For example, you could ironize your differences to overcome them.
  2. Neutral Polarization. It is not a situation you want to be in, but it is better than shutting up. You will hardly become good friends with these people. The relationship often stops at acquaintances.
  3. Positive Polarization. This is the best outcome possible. People will want to be around you. They find you funny, and they enjoy your company.

Warning Signs

Please consider these three cases work for friendships but also romantic interests.

Also, don’t stop at the first interaction. Sometimes, people have something else on their heads. You might have a negative first interaction because of that. So don’t jump to conclusions.

You must care less, remember?

So, no matter the interaction, never look back or try to fix it.

4 Ways to Master the Art of Confidence

Stop caring, and they will come to you — the concept is simple. But mastering the art of confidence is easier said than done.

How can you stop caring? How can you learn to stay with people without feeling weird?

Here are four ways to slowly build confidence that you can practice starting today. Also, remember that, in these cases, only one thing works:

“Fake it until you make it.”

1 — The Echo Technique

Echoing what your interlocutor says is the simplest technique to build confidence. It gives you time to catch up when you feel nervous. And it helps you connect with people by building likeability, trust, and support.

Overdoing it is the only problem of the echo technique. And if you echo your interlocutor too much:

  • You may look unoriginal.
  • They may categorize you as a pleaser and take advantage of you.
  • Or they may get irritated and interpret your actions as a copycat.

So, use it to build trust with your interlocutor. But don’t do it too much.

2 — The Gradual Exposure Therapy

Building confidence is a vast topic. But how can you improve on specific subjects like speaking in public or talking to girls or guys you like?

You can use the Gradual Exposure Therapy.

  • First, pick a situation that makes you nervous and identify why. For example, many people struggle to talk to their love interest because of the fear of rejection.
  • Then, list all the fears related to that situation besides your target. Hopefully, there is only one.
  • Find a low-stakes situation that resembles your original fear. For example, talk with somebody you don’t like that much instead of your love interest directly. Then, you can safely build your confidence by increasing the stakes.
  • After each repetition, deconstruct your fears. Find reasons they don’t matter and think about the worst possible outcome. Remember that you have to stop caring that much. So whatever that is, it doesn’t matter.

3 — The Self-Irony Tricks

Peer pressure will skyrocket every time you will do something you have never done before. And you may make mistakes. You are a rusty machine that just got started. So, you have to oil up before everything works smoothly.

Making fun of yourself is the oil you need.

When people make mistakes, they often close up and stop trying. But that’s a lost opportunity. You could use those moments for self-irony. And you could transform them into enjoyable memories.

If you expose yourself to this kind of irony, people will feel comfortable joking and bantering with you. You will create a safe space for them to interact with you. And you will build relationships faster.

Here are two ideas I used in the past:

  • When you misspell something, you can create fun by repeating the same mistake. Exasperate it until it loses its initial meaning. Even comedians use this technique in their shows, so it’s proven to be working.
  • If you say something that doesn’t achieve the expected results, you could insist with: “I finished, you can laugh now.”

Vulnerability will always be one of your greatest strengths. And if you learn to laugh about your weaknesses and insecurities, people will find you more likable.

4 — The Body Language Mastery

Body language talks more than we wish. Good communicators have learned to recognize its tellings without actively seeking clues.

Some of them don’t even know they are using it. It is more of an instinct to them. But, of course, communication skills never come naturally. It is all about training and experiencing new situations. So, you can improve your body language skills by practicing.

We will further discuss this ability in the next issue of the series. But for now, here are three simple suggestions you could start using.

  • Move your hands. People perceive people who do a lot of hand movements as more confident and comfortable. By mimicking it, you gain trust in your social abilities.
  • Make eye contact. You may have heard it multiple times — eye contact is king. If you do it, you become a magnet for attention. If you don’t, people may lose interest in your stories.
  • Don’t cross your arms. Everyone knows crossing your arms speaks of insecurity, fear, or rejection. And people will feel awkward if they walk to you in this position.

The Challenge of The Week

Confidence is challenging. But you can build your confidence and become the most confident person in the room if you want.

Start with the echo technique and the gradual exposure therapy. And when you fail, make fun of your mistake.

Try to care less about the consequences.

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Original Publication: The Art of Confidence: How to Reign Supreme in Self-Belief