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Discover Your Unique Traits: 4 Steps to Improve Your Social Skills

Cover photo for Discover Your Unique Traits: 4 Steps to Improve Your Social Skills

How To Use Your Distinct Qualities To Stand Up Against the Herd


Some days, you open your eyes in the morning and feel empty. The freshness of the air disappeared. And you can’t understand your role in your circle of friends anymore.

Are you necessary? Will they forget about you if you don’t show up for a few days? Or would they remember and miss your company?

A few years ago, I woke up one morning and felt like a wave in the sea — insignificant. I had nothing special to share with people. And I thought soon everyone would have abandoned me, even my closest friends.

I wanted to find a way to show my uniqueness. Change is what I needed. So, from that day, I kept searching for ways to find my identity and stand up in front of the herd.

The Uniqueness Journey

Every journey is different. But on your way to finding your uniqueness, you will eventually start reading about it.

I started with self-improvementbody languagesocial skills, and seduction. Here are the books I would suggest to start with:

  • The Slight Edge, by Jeff Olson
  • How to Win Friends and Influence People, by Dale Carnegie
  • What Every Body Is Saying, by Joe Navarro
  • Models, by Mark Manson

And I have to say the latter helped me more than I would like to admit. It changed my perspective forever.

My longest relationship finished a few months before I read it. And I wanted to get back in the seduction game. But I was rusty. Or better, I sucked in the seduction game. So, I needed a step-by-step book that could push me ahead. And Modelsdid it.

Manson doesn’t focus on tricking girls as many seduction gurus do. And I liked it. He suggests, instead, to find your unique style and story and use it to attract people.

So I started to experiment.

People criticized me for my changes, sometimes even my family. But I never turned back. And today, everything I have started with my hormones wanting to get laid.

Quite romantic — don’t you think?

The Key To Finding Your Uniqueness

Finding your uniqueness is a slow process with many experiments involved. But people don’t like changes. So, get used to the critics.

Your friends will feel uncomfortable with your new you, and they will try to push you back. Some of them may leave. The ones who matter will stay. But that’s not important because you will find many friends on your path forward.

The key to finding your uniqueness is to change one small thing at a time. And observe how people react to it.

If they try to push you back in the herd, it means it’s working. And if you insist, they will accept and respect you for who you are.

You will be different from everybody else now. You will be unique. And that’s an unbearable attraction.

How to Discover Your Unique Traits

But let’s talk business now.

Trying things out is the best way to become unique. Eventually, you will find something you like. And people will recognize you for it.

But how do you find those things? How can you build your uniqueness? Where should you start from?

Here are some ideas of things I did in the past.

1 — Start from your roots.

Who am I?

Ask anybody this question, and they will answer with the first thing that comes to mind. It doesn’t matter which. But keep asking it, and they will finally start to think about their answer.

So, who are you?

Answer this question five, ten, twenty, and fifty times until you find something that truly represents you. Each of us has a unique story and a distinctive path in the future. So, search for your roots and find your purpose.

Here are a few ideas on how to find and build your story:

  • Never answer with a place if somebody asks you where you lived in the past. Describe your youth and how you grew up instead.
  • Don’t tell people how old you are. Tell them why you love or hate your birthday.
  • Nobody cares where you are working or studying. Show people why you love or hate what you are doing.

So, always focus on the purpose instead of the mere description. And you will find your uniqueness.

2 — Explore your passions.

Strong desires and purposes are irresistible. And hearing someone talking about their dreams with such strength and courage, it’s captivating.

When I was younger, I envied those people because I couldn’t find something that I liked that much. Eventually, I found a passion that gave me the same feelings, and the envy stopped. So, search for a purpose and focus only on that.

Finding your passion is the first step. But your job doesn’t end there. You must explore it too.

Suppose you are talking with a person for the first time. You ask them what they like, and they say they enjoy watching sports. Any sport? Football.

Nice. Now, run away. Don’t waste your time with people who don’t know what to say about their passions.

You have to avoid this from happening to you. So, find a passion and make it specific. Understand why you like it and why it improves your life.

People don’t have time to listen to you saying nothing. But they will find it if you catch their attention with your uniqueness. And your passions are one way you can feed it.

3 — Show your vulnerabilities.

Manson’s best advice in Models is to be vulnerable and show it. People prefer to connect with someone who has his weaknesses instead of those who hide them.

Perfect people are annoying. They stink because we can never trust them. And we don’t like those who try to trick us. But by opening up to critics and vulnerabilities, you will become irresistible.

There are many reasons why it happens. Let’s see the main ones.

  • You could use your vulnerabilities for self-irony. And self-irony is ten times better than making fun of somebody else. People will never trust those who make too many jokes about others. So you better avoid it and focus on yourself.
  • Common weaknesses make people empathize with you. And if you learn to express your flaws, they will think you are unique because they can identify with your struggles.

4 — Break from conformity.

Nobody likes rules. They are boring and annoying. And they limit our freedom and creativity. For this reason, people with different values and morality are attractive. The novelty of their ideas seduces us. And we find them unique.

Therefore, break from conformity if you want to be unique.

Try things people don’t do. Find your look away from the fashion of the moment. And don’t be afraid to talk about your tastes. Stand your ground and share them even if they are unconventional.

I remember the first time I wore a black shirt covered in colorful flowers. My friends made fun of me. They wanted to return me to their comfort zone, but I didn’t give up.

Today, my floral shirts became who I am. My wardrobe is full of colors. And people recognize me for my unique style. They even ask me where to buy them. But I never saw one of them wearing one. And that’s when you understand nobody dares to challenge your uniqueness.

So, break from the conformity around you:

  • with your opinion and ideas,
  • with your jokes and way of being funny,
  • with your style,
  • and with your vulnerabilities.

The Challenge of The Week

Find your uniqueness and experiment with it. Start with your roots. Learn to explore your passions. Show your vulnerabilities. And, at last, break from conformity.

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Original Publication: Discover Your Unique Traits: 4 Steps to Improve Your Social Skills